Trapped in Paradise

Rated PG-13

Bill Firpo (Nicolas Cage) managed to stay honest while his brothers were in jail. But the clever Dave (Jon Lovitz) and the kleptomaniac Alvin (Dana Carvey) heard stories from a fellow convict of a bank so easy to rob that once they make parole, they can't resist. The only question is whether or not they can get out of town before the big snowstorm hits. While the three brothers fumble around town with their stolen loot, they are besieged with kindness from the townsfolk of Paradise, PA.

Everyone in this movie plays their parts to a tee, and the three leads comedic styles complement each other without overwhelming. The bank heist is this movie has to be one of the funniest heists ever filmed. This movie was not created to dazzle, but it is a thoroughly enjoyable watch. It has its share of warm fuzzy moments, without being sickly sweet. Though somewhat predictable, the ending will leave you feeling in the Christmas spirit.

South Park Season 8 Finale “Woodland Critter Christmas” (2004)

Rated Mature

When Stan discovers a group of talking animals building a Christmas tree, they convince him to help prepare for the holidays, including tasks such as making a star for their Christmas tree, and building a manger. Soon after, the animals enlist his help again. They explain that every year one of the animals conceives their Savior, but a mountain lion kills it before she gives birth to the baby. After insisting that Stan is the only one capable of helping them, he manages to kill the beast, but is dismayed to find that the lion was the mother of three now-orphaned cubs. Returning to the critters, Stan is further horrified to discover that the woodland critters are, in fact, Satan worshipers, and that their Savior is actually the Antichrist, not an animalistic Son of God.

What a heart-warming Yuletide tale! Obviously not a show for the weak-hearted, South Park’s “Woodland Critter Christmas” alternates between being absolutely appalling and sickeningly hilarious. This episode is a loose parody of John Denver’s Critter Christmas, and in true South Park style, the shocks keep coming and coming, but so do the laughs. The slight twist towards the end will also give you the darkest glimpse into Eric Cartman’s mind since the episode Scott Tenorman Must Die.

This is a Christmas show for those who revile cutesy claymation stories and happy endings. If you have a morbid sense of humor and would like to see Santa Claus pull out a SPAS-12 combat shotgun to try to save Christmas, then this is the show for you.

The Santa Clause (1994)

Rated PG

On Christmas Eve, divorcee Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) hears an unexpected visitor on his roof. Scott sneaks outside and calls out to the man, who is dressed in full Santa garb. The figure falls and mysteriously disappears, leaving only the Santa suit with instructions to "put on the suit, climb into the sleigh and the reindeer will know what to do.” Scott does, and is whisked around town delivering gifts until he's taken to the North Pole. He is then informed by a group of elves that he is now Santa Claus. Scott’s son Charlie (Eric Lloyd) is excited about his dad's new job, though Scott's convinced it's all a hallucination. That is, until his bushy new beard is unwilling to stay shaved, his hair turns white, and he gains weight inexplicably…

This fun Christmas story draws on many elements which work together to make it a great movie. There is the fish out of water comedy factor, which keeps you laughing as Scott is trying to deal with his new role as Santa.

The other aspect of this movie that makes it a great Christmas story is the heartbreak of the broken family. At the beginning of the movie, it is apparent that Scott irresponsibly neglects his son from time to time, and through his experiences becoming Santa, he develops a closer relationship with Charlie, and eventually renews the Christmas spirit of his skeptic ex-wife and her husband.

From the Vault - 25 Days of Christmas

Starting tomorrow, I will be posting a review of one Christmas movie/TV special every day until Christmas! Look forward to reviews of Elf, Trapped in Paradise, The Santa Clause, South Park episode "A Woodland Critter Christmas", Babes in Toyland and on Christmas Eve, I will review the most popular Christmas movie of the poll above!

Movie ratings for the 25 Days of Christmas will be rated with snowflakes instead of stars!!

Hate Mail - Bug

Rated R

No Stars

A lonely waitress Agnes (Ashley Judd) has taken residence in a cheap motel after escaping her abusive ex-husband Jerry Goss (Harry Connick Jr.). When her coworker and only friend brings a drifter Peter Evans (Michael Shannon) to visit her, they begin a tentative romance. Soon after Peter begins to finds bugs in their bed, and discloses that he is an escaped soldier who suffered experiments by the army and he is presently infested. Agnes begins to feel the same symptoms and the couple withdraws into their own lives of paranoia and plague.

This movie lacks the only thing that would have made it worth watching: ambiguity. The story would have been far more intriguing if you didn’t know whether or not the bugs were real or a hallucination.

Without the necessary mystery, this movie just becomes a sad and slightly disgusting show of two people supporting each others delusions. They simple spiral downward into a world of self-mutilation, and paired with the most awkward sex scene I’ve ever seen on film, this movie gets the award for the worst movie I've seen this year.

Hitman

Rated R

A hired gun, who’s only known title is Agent 47 (Timothy Olyphant), becomes caught up in a political conspiracy when he’s hired to take out a Russian leader (Ulrich Thomsen). The assassin must test his skills as Interpol agent Mike Whittier (Dougray Scott) and the Russian military—not to mention other assassins—pursue 47 across Eastern Europe as he tries to find out who double-crossed him. However, complications arise as he’s forced to shelter a beautiful prostitute (Olga Kurylenko) before she falls victim to the same deadly political game.

Unfortunately I can’t compare the movie to the game because I’ve never played it. But as a movie by itself, Hitman stands up well. The actions sequences are great to look at, and fight choreographer Gregory Loffredo has composed some great scenes, including my favorite, a four man swordfight in a subway car.

The plot is engaging, and with elements of mystery, action and a hint of romance, this movie never drags. Timothy Olyphant takes a character that could come off as stiff and unappealing and adds a sense of humanity and sympathy, acting the part flawlessly. all things considered, this is a very fun and visually striking movie, definitely worth seeing in theatres.

Beowulf

Rated PG-13

First of all, I’m not sure how this movie slid by without an R rating. A pretty much naked Beowulf (save several well-placed pieces of furniture), a pretty much naked Angelina Jolie (save some well-placed… water?), and some extra horrific violence from the extra creepy Grendel was not expected from a PG-13.

Despite the fact that I did not get to see this movie in 3D, which has been getting rave reviews, I was pleasantly surprised. The performance-capture method of animation is very interesting to look at. It has the quite pleasant result of making the completely digitized effects blend seamlessly into the film.

The story itself is intriguing, with touches of mythology, action and politics. Not of which however, overshadow the main source of interest, which is the study of human nature.

Altogether this is a pleasant film, and very visually pleasing.

Rebuff - Saw IV

Owen Gleiberman, in Entertainment Weekly, wrote, "this fourth entry in the mutilate-yourself-or-die series joins what may be the worst genre of the decade: the lamely 'sympathetic' serial-killer backstory," rating Saw IV with a D+ grade.

Saw IV
Rated R

I have to say, after seeing Saw III, I promised myself that I wouldn't be skeptical ever again. The writing in the first two of the series was perfection, I figured there was no way to top it in the third. I was wrong.

So, when I heard they were going forth with a fourth Saw movie, I was ecstatic. Then, when I discovered that Leigh Whannell was no longer involved in the writing, I broke my promise a little. I doubted. And again, I was wrong.

The beautiful thing about the Saw series is the fact that there seems to be no clear-cut right and wrong. You may think, "A killer is a bad guy, period," but then as you watch, the lines are blurred. Saw IV ups this attitude. It's not preachy, nor is it simply a slash-and-bash horror flick. You make the choice to believe that Jigsaw (an awesome Tobin Bell), is sincerely trying to do good by his 'victims'. Or you can believe that he's just a murdering psychopath. The fun is in the ambiguity.

So, with another flawless plot, a twist that rivals the first three, and a fourth spectacular performance by Tobin Bell, Saw IV earns a four-star rating from me.

Out on DVD - Hairspray

Rated PG

As a long-time fan of musicals, as well as an even longer-time fan of John Waters, there was no way to go wrong with this one.

Based on the Broadway musical, which was in turn based on the 1988 non-musical movie of the same name, Hairspray had some big shoes to fill. With an all-star cast, beautiful visuals and music, and the it-never-gets-old shock of seeing John Travolta in drag, this movie nearly overshadows its predecessors.

Tracy Turnblad (Nikki Blonsky), is a slighty overweight and undertall teenager who loves the Corny Collins Show and the dances she learns from the peppy program. When Tracy gets an opportunity to audition for the show, she gets a harsh lesson about being different. However, with the help of her black friend Seaweed, Tracy makes it on the show by dancing for Corny Collins (Scott Marsden) himself, and catches the eye of the slick singer Link Larkin (Zac Efron). This puts a thorn in the dancing shoes of the show’s prima donna, Amber Von Tussel (Brittany Snow), and her mother, the show’s white’s-only manager, Velma Von Tussel (Michelle Pfeiffer). Not satisfied to be in the limelight if her black friends aren’t allowed to be there too, Tracy sets out to integrate the show while the Von Tussels set out to ruin Tracy.

The makers of this new incarnation have rounded out a lot of the kooky edges of Waters’ original, which will disappoint some fans, but there are enough quirky moments that it hasn’t completely lost its original charm. The improvement comes with the brilliant music and dancing, and will please the musical lovers to no end. Most importantly the message is clear and frank, leaving you with more than just songs running through your head.

Enchanted

Rated PG

Everyone needs to indulge their inner child from time to time. Mine was begging to go and see Enchanted, a delightful mixture of Disney animation and live-action.

Beautiful maiden Giselle (Amy Adams) is engaged to be married to Prince Edward (James Marsden). But like in many other fairy tales, the prince is plagued by an evil step-mother (Susan Sarandon), who uses dark magic to banish Giselle to a land with no “happily-ever-afters.” Insert laughter here as Giselle lands in the middle of modern day New York City. The hopelessly chipper Giselle stumbles her way through the pessimistic city until divorce lawyer Robert (Patrick Dempsey) comes to her rescue. As she gains her bearings in the real world, Giselle begins to wonder if Prince Edward is really the man she wants after all.

This charming movie is sweet enough to be entertaining to children, while having enough comedy and romance elements to appeal to adults as well. Like the Disney movies of past, the main characters are fond of breaking out into song, which is a shock to Robert’s big city sentimentality. The endearingly cheerful Giselle will warm your heart without grating on your nerves, and the self-absorbed Prince Edward is just clueless enough to still be charming. Subtle satire will keep you laughing: when Giselle sings for her animal friends to help clean Robert’s messy apartment, scores of rats and cockroaches answer the call.

Though predictable, this movie is a treat for the eyes and ears, and will leave you walking away with a grin on your face.

Stephen King's The Mist

Rated R

I was skeptical of seeing this flick, as Stephen King movies don’t often translate well to the screen. As avid Stephen King fans know, his stories are often laced with subtle psychological elements that are far more frightening than what ends up on the screen. Fortunately my little sister wheedled me into going and seeing what I would say is the best Stephen King adaptation to date.

After a vicious storm mangles a town in Maine, many of the townspeople notice a cloud of mist approaching from the mountains. As the vapor quickly envelops the area, an assortment of locals and out-of-towners alike get trapped in a local grocery store. Among them, movie poster artist David Drayton (Thomas Jane, who also starred in Stephen King creepfest Dreamcatcher), his five-year-old son, religious zealot Mrs. Carmody (Marcia Gay Harden), the new third grade teacher (Laurie Holden) and David’s uppity lawyer neighbor, Brent Norton (Andre Braugher). After frightful excursions into the mist, the people come to realize that there are terrible and otherworldly creatures waiting in the thick fog.

This is where Frank Darabont (director and screenwriter) excels where others have failed. Instead of focusing only on the overt scares in the form of tentacled monsters and oversized insectile creatures, he instead centers on something far more frightening: how people react when faced with true horror. David finds himself in an adult Lord of the Flies, with the trapped ensemble splitting to take sides-- whether it is with skeptic Norton, who insists that the monsters are only delusions, or the truly disturbing Mrs. Carmody and her rantings of sin and the wrath of God.

This movie will draw you in with its blunt look at the nature of people’s reactions in times of disaster, and knock you senseless with a stunning ending that M. Night Shyamalan should be envious of.

Thanksgiving Releases

I was fortunate enough to see several movies with my family this weekend, so I have several new reviews to write up: Enchanted, Hitman and The Mist.

I thought I would take a moment to define my star system.

I often rate movies between 1 and 4 stars.

= I'm going to buy this the minute it hits stores.

= I'm going to buy this eventually.

= I may rent this, but it's not imperative that I own it.

= I will probably never watch this again.

No Stars = I regret seeing this, and I hope every copy of this is destroyed in some freak accident.

Statement of Intent

Hello everyone out there.

It occurred to me the other day that today's movie, TV and music critics have gotten too... well, critical. I have been absolutely appalled at some of the reviews I have read recently. I'm a definite entertainment junkie, but it has gotten to the point where I think, "Well, if the critics hate it, I'll love it!"

Granted, I am not your typical movie connoisseur. I can cite several examples of movies and TV shows that I absolutely love... and I seem to be the only one. And vise versa.

My goal for this blog is to express my opinion as a regular entertainment freak, not a snobby critic.